Renegotiating Old Agreements

Hello there my darling reader!


I'm feeling amazing today- SO good =) I recently signed up to POF and I've been completely swamped with messages... which is flattering, but pretty overwhelming too!


I'm not really expecting anything from it, really, apart from simply becoming better in setting my boundaries with people, and not acting as a friend. Because I'm a Siren- men are attracted to me for who I am! I will not be their friend. That's what I'm trying to practise, and it's going pretty well at the moment.


I have been asked about meeting up with a man who, btw, is incredibly hot, though. He's a teacher, and eight or nine years older. *raises eyebrows* I'm a little scared, but let's see how it goes... and let's see if I really am as mature as I think I am!


As for uni? Well, in typical fashion, I had an assignment due in on Monday, and I left it extremely late... to the extent that I didn't have any sleep the night before. Yah, you heard right: Nada!


I think you should be proud of me, because the next day? I didn't begin to feel it until about 5pm... when my eyes began to feel heavy. (I can't believe it myself! GO MEEEE!)


Anyway, so let me get onto today's lesson- my head hurts!


This is a strange topic, as when I first looked at the title, I was pretty confused. I.e. "But I haven't made any sorts of agreements...?!"


This is regarding spoken or unspoken agreements we've made with ourselves or others in order to protect ourselves or to make sure we don't hurt people close to us.


It asks you to complete the following:


"The agreements, both spoken and unspoken, I made with my mother were"


To make sure I don't do anything that is against my religion, to make sure that my reputation within my community remains intact, and that our family name is not ruined. To make her proud by excelling academically, and having a job which reflects a sense of power. To listen to what she asks me to do, so that she is happy. And so, to put her happiness before mine.


"The agreements, both spoken and unspoken, I made with my father were"


To make him proud of me. To excel in my course to make up for the disappointment in me not completing Pharmacy. 


"The agreements, both spoken and unspoken, I made with my sister were"


To stick by the expectations of my parents, so that it doesn't affect her future i.e. she's able to live away from home when at university etc


"The agreements I made with myself regarding closeness and love are"


That I would love and understand others so much so that they would not want to leave me. That I would at times, if necessary, put their needs before mine, even if it hurt me.


These agreements are affecting me by restricting me from being true to myself. They are compromising my happiness.


My agreement to myself has affected my self esteem, though I am learning to put my needs first. I would feel I had to earn others' love, because I didn't feel I was loveable enough..


Oh dear :( I am giving myself huge hugs! I love me!


"In order to renegotiate these agreements, I would have to let go of"


Even the slightest belief of me not being loveable just as I am
Trying to make my parents happy, as if to "make up" for all they've done for me over the years.


"The new agreements I could make instead are"


I will love myself and state my boundaries, even at times when I feel scared to express them. I will remember that I do not need to prove myself to be deserving of love!


I will try and express to my parents what makes me unhappy. I will calmly state things that I wish to do, and ask for their support. I will honour myself.


I'm feeling quite teary reading this *sigh* I feel so sad for that child part of me that has put others' needs before mine! I will take care of my inner child... I think she deserves that atleast =)


With all my love, and until the next time xxx


^ (Yah, I've changed my sig. Twas about time!)