Early childhood woundings

Once again, I'm not going to blog too much- I really wish life wasn't so busy!


Today's lesson is on childhood and how it's shaped you today. In recognising childhood wounds, it will help you to see how you may be bringing this other relationships between you and others.


The caregiving I received as an infant was: I'm not completely sure, as I was so young! But I get this sense of stress, tension, hurry, and of worry. That I was a worry. Loved, but possibly neglected to my parents' own issues, and their being quite young.


How my mother felt about being my mother was: A responsibility- a big one. Perhaps something which gave her the chance to redeem herself for all she was unable to accomplish personally. A second chance. The next best thing for all she was unable to do.


How my father felt about being my father was: Proud? Again, a responsibility. I get stronger sense of comfortability, though, somehow.


In response, I felt: As though I needed to make them proud. Afterall, they were putting so much effort into my education, the least I could do was to excel academically, be a model student, and make them proud. So in short, I felt as though I *owed* them something.


The ways in which these feelings affect me today are: I don't like asking people for favours, I'm scared of being refused. Or that in doing so, I will "owe" them something. It's how I feel with my parents- though they've sacrificed so much, I feel as though I'm unworthy of it, and I forever need to prove how grateful I am for it.


I am able to trust others when: Almost always- I'm a trusting person.


I am unable to trust others when: I ask for favours. It's not that I don't believe that they have good intentions. But to put myself in a position of being dependent on them for an outcome? That scares me.


For me, what this is showing me, is that I need to practise asking, and being able to receive. I'm a natural giver and counsellor- and so it's so easy for me to give! But I need to put myself on the other end of the scale, and believe in my heart, that I deserve to be able to ask people to help me when I need help.


And that if they don't or aren't able to follow through, that's no reflection on me: they simply weren't in a position to give.


Until the next time, and, with all my love xxx